Tips For Parents With Returning College-Age Students

College students returning to life under their parent’s roof can prove to be a difficult change for both the young adult and their parents.

Whether it’s experimenting with alcohol, drugs, or sex, forging new relationships or learning responsibility, students coming home from college for the first time have experienced changes

College students are becoming an adult and then go home and they are still somebody’s baby.

Both the student and the parent(s) may experience family tension when returning home for the summer, but these guidelines may be of assistance:

1. Parents/students should have few or no exceptions which may result in few or no disappointments

2. Have a good sense of humor – don’t expect for everything to be the same

3. Be flexible – you have many people’s schedules to work around

4. Consider the other’s perspective about things

5. Remember it is your home and they must follow your rules

6. Make sure you take care of yourself during the summer

7. Try and be both generous and accommodating

8. Try and prepare for difficult times

9. The student must remember that their job is in becoming an adult and they must act like one

• If your adolescent has been away for college they may need to evaluate what they expect from their families during the summer and must remember that things have changed and this may be their first encounter with their family in their new role.

• Preparing to minimize negative experiences and increase positive interactions are points to remember when making choices during the summer for both the parents and the young adult.

• Families get tense during the summers in part because people have expectations about things going really well and hopes about what will happen.

• Remember that parental curiosity can be obnoxious and alienating or relief-giving and supportive depending on the attitudes of the person involved.  “I have a right to know” tinged questions, with ulterior motives or the nags should be avoided.

• The first year of college (and the other three as well) can be full of indecisions, insecurities, disappointments and most of all mistakes.  They are also full of discovery, inspiration, good times and people.

• Any parent who believes that all college students get good grades, know what they want to major in, have always activity packed weekends, thousands of close friends and lead carefree, worry-free lives is wrong.

• Parents that perpetuate and insist upon the “best years” stereotype are working against their child’s already difficult self-development.  Those that understand and accept the highs and lows of their adolescent’s reality are providing the support and encouragement where it is needed.